Satire

-Satire -

Level the Curve

In a concerted effort to level the Socialism curve, perhaps all treasonous anti-Americans should be quarantined at Gitmo until there is a foolproof vaccine for stupidity.

Appease the Huddled Masses

(Warning: This message contains sarcasm to ridicule stupidity, which may be harmful to the mindless.)

Governors and Mayors should commit to solidarity with their disgruntled rioting Democrat communities and the Black Lives Matters movement. Give them what they want. Put an immediate end to the police brutality and racial tension by removing all law enforcement presence from those precincts demanding such action.

Furthermore, to demonstrate the utmost commitment to equality and harmony, announce that, henceforth, all emergency 9-1-1 call centers will no longer respond to calls received from such anti-American Democrat group members requesting police, ambulance and/or fire department assistance. Problem solved.

With an exclusive, ironclad ban on all firearms and no more oppressive cruelty, harassment or racism from uniformed first responders in their communities, Democrats could finally rest assured that their neighborhoods and businesses are peaceful and safe. They’d be free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty, they’d be free at last.

(Disclaimer: Before someone sets fire to my free, ten million dollar, gated-community mansion that I was given as a benefit of institutional white privilege, I want to make it clear that this is satire.)

Don We Now Our Guilt Apparel

(c) by David Lynn
The Democrat propaganda service, CNN, should demand the President sign an executive order requiring forthwith, by law, that all Americans must purchase and permanently display official Black Lives Matter apparel on their person as a virtue signal for solidarity with such civil rights leaders as Malcolm X, Louis Farrakhan and Reverend Jeremiah Wright.
Furthermore, CNN should insist such an EO stipulate no other clothing items (especially red hats) shall be acceptable in America, lest ye be publicly identified as a racist and ye wake up homeless, penny less, jobless and scorned on social media for the remainder of your pathetic, miserable life.
This, of course, would be perfectly constitutional in the eyes of CNN under the section that outlines that anything BLM demands must be granted because of white guilt. According to them, social justice is freakin’ awesome and this is a great Marxist country based on the lofty virtues of tyranny.
CNN should then initiate an ad campaign encouraging everyone to get their official BLM gear now in time for Black History Month and Kwanzaa.

Bring on the USNA

(Warning: This message contains sarcasm to ridicule stupidity, which may be harmful to the mindless.)

To repair the disharmony after the election and forever dissolve the deplorable oppression against African Americans for centuries, it is imperative that all political, educational, economic, corporate, governmental and cultural elements of the United States be handed over to the black community immediately. This country was built solely by the blood, sweat and determination of blacks. It rightfully belongs to them. They deserve full ownership and control of everything.

In addition to these overwhelming reparations, the divisive name United States of America (USA) should be officially changed to United States of New Africa (USNA). All references to the previous name should be, heretofore, prohibited and erased from the annals of human history.

Furthermore, the incendiary, racist red, white and blue American flag should be replaced with a new black fist flag that represents the perseverance and superiority of the strong, resilient black community. No one in the world would dream of kneeling to protest such a majestic banner.

Know what time it is? It’s time to heal. It’s time to set things right. It’s time to put the Democrat Party in charge of the USNA. It is clear the Democrats and their global Marxist masters want to destroy the USA. When they permanently gain power and control, that is exactly what they will do. It’s time to let them facilitate the smooth, peaceful transfer of all things from the privileged white people to its rightful black owners. No social justice, no equity, no Communism, no peace. Know what I’m sayin?

Crazy Conspiracy

A growing body of evidence supposedly supporting a wild conspiracy theory is being disseminated throughout social media. People are putting forth the lunacy that the recorded incident in Minneapolis resulting in the death of George Floyd was a staged hoax. They want us to believe all the people involved, from the officers, to the victim, to their female boss, were actors used in previous false flag events.

Fortunately, no one is going to take this theory seriously and no credible investigative agency will waste their time and resources looking into this nonsense. No responsible politician or Attorney General or journalist with integrity will ever bother exploring these outlandish allegations.

Rest assured the mainstream news media would never report on the vicious, racist attack against George Floyd if it were not true. No explosive, organized riots would have occurred if that incident had been nothing more than a contrived, necessary spark designed to ignite national division, violence and chaos for subversive, political purposes. Something like that could never happen in America. Could it?

Heartfelt Apology

(Warning: This message contains sarcasm to ridicule stupidity, which may be harmful to mindless Democrats.)

OMG. While watching a recent Marxist NBA game, I looked in the mirror. For the first time in my life, to my horror, I realized I was white. Through my flood of tears, I was overwhelmed with guilt. I grew closer and closer to suicide as I experienced the outpouring of self-disgust recognizing my personal culpability in America’s systemic racism and discrimination against all people of color. I had no idea.

I finally saw through my shame-tainted eyes the truth about my country; abject poverty for every black person, no black workers, no blacks politicians, no black doctors, no black business owners, no black entertainers, no black journalists, and no black athletes. As I continued watching the game with revised clarity, I was heartbroken to realize the NBA did not allow black players. It is disgraceful that America offers no promise for hope and change amongst the ravaged black community whatsoever.

I take full responsibility for my white privilege which suppresses and prohibits achievement and advancement for all black people. I understand if blacks are unable to forgive me. I will never forgive myself. I can only dedicate my life, going forward, to changing my ways. I pledge to sell all my possessions, including my white family, and give all the proceeds to the Black Lives Matter movement.

I will never again support racist, all white societies like sports, entertainment, education, law enforcement, healthcare, politics and business until only blacks dominate these arenas by default.

I promise to support reparations so that all black people will be filthy rich, and all whites will suffer in poverty and get harassed when they attempt to enter a soup kitchen or a homeless shelter. That’s only fair.

I say to my black victims, I’m sorry. I bite my lower lip and I feel your pain. I will make it my life’s mission never to be white again. If, someday, I happen to be pulled out of my car, viciously attacked and brutally murdered during a peaceful BLM/Antifa protest, so be it. I deserve nothing less for my years of white privilege. If I am permitted to have a grave with a marker, I would like it to read, “I can’t breathe.”

Thank you, NBA, for waking me up and causing me to take a knee from reality that I may become down with the struggle.

A Foolproof Plan

This anarchy and unrest must end. Congress and the President should unanimously pass “The Perpetual Love and Nice Act” (PLAN), which bans all tragedies, disease, poverty, outrage, stress, insults, danger, meanness, racism, hurt feelings, oppression, anger, inequalities, revenge, disagreements, injustice, offenses, deception, corruption and all other icky things that plague our society.

This would be the salve that heals all national ills and removes every hindrance to peaceful unity forevermore.

Fingers Crossed

(Warning: This message contains sarcasm to ridicule stupidity, which may be harmful to the mindless.)

Pray that a white person is never harmed or killed at the hands, or knees, of a rogue police officer. Pray that it would not be captured on video and released to social media and the news.

Imagine the carnage and devastation unleashed upon every city in America by the organized and well financed white insurgency groups like White Lives Matter, Whytifa, NAAWP (the National Association for the Advancement of White People) and UWCF (the United Whitey College Fund)

Imagine the outrage and fury from the politicians in the Congressional White Caucus. Consider the wrath from networks like WET (Whitey Entertainment Television), WSPN (Whitey Sports Network) and WNN (Whitey News Network).

The horrific spectacle of watching protesting white people not looting, not setting fires, not throwing bricks and not destroying predominantly white owned local business would set back race relations for weeks. Our nation could never survive such a massive scorched-earth onslaught by these rowdy, rambunctious, respectful ruffians. Hope it never comes to this. Keep your fingers crossed.

Handle with Care

Be gentle when dealing with anti-American traitors. Of course, we will put them in orange jump suits and lead them to their execution, but we must be careful not to hurt their poor widdle wiberal feewings.

Marxist Logic

OH NO! Climate change is looming. We are doomed! Every human must be exterminated or we’re all going to die!

The More We Know

(Warning: This message contains sarcasm to ridicule stupidity, which may be harmful to the mindless.)

We know America is a systemic, pathologically racist country. This fact is now indisputable simply because the mindless among us have declared it. In the world of leftist lunacy, this is now considered objective truth. Imagination and invented consensus are now labeled settled science, and no one dare disagree lest ye be branded a racist. As it is asserted; thus, it must be.

Based on this bizarre logic (reality, truth and facts notwithstanding) we know all white Americans hate all people of color and have created a society where no blacks are permitted to advance, prosper or develop in any way, shape or form.

Therefore, if we apply this leftist reasoning to the real world, we come to some profound revelations. We know Barack Obama would not have become POTUS had he been black. We know Oprah Winfrey would not be a successful, ultra-wealthy business mogul if she were black. We know Michael Strahan would never be allowed to play football, win a Super Bowl and become a successful TV personality if he wasn’t white. We know Condoleezza Rice could never have been the U.S. Secretary of State had she been black. We know Clarence Thomas could not be on the Supreme Court if he were black. We know Michael Jordan, Henry Aaron, Jesse Owens and Serena Williams could never participate in athletics had they been black. We know every person in American politics, government, entertainment, sports, business, news media, education, etc., has bright, blinding, snow-white skin.

We know it’s time for hope and change. According to the elite anarchists, only white lives matter in America. Submitting to them in unwavering solidarity, we know this to be self-evident; that all white men are created privileged. In the name of social justice and fairness, they demand we replace perceived, institutionalized white racism with an unrestricted, institutionalized, African American controlled utopia.

We know knowledge is power. The strategy of the anti-American Marxists is to hijack our education system and rewrite history and truth. We know, for their subversive agenda, systemic fear, propaganda and chaos is power.